Fish Love: How to avoid a relationship disaster
It’s much deeper
I wonder, if at the heart of most problems in relationships isn’t some type of selfishness. Selfishness has the power to destroy your life. Sure, the media will tell us it’s Money issues, infidelity or domestic violence. Well, is it caused from too much money or not enough? What’s the right amount of money for the relationship to be just right? I don’t think money is the issue. I wonder if the problems listed above aren’t just a product of deeper root issues such as greed, anger and lust. When we let these emotions take root they cause deeper problems later in life. The event doesn’t just sprout up over night; the root had been growing for quite some time. One of the problems with relationships today is that we only have fish love. What’s fish love?
Consider this story: Fish Love
A man is diving into his fish dinner with great gusto, thoroughly enjoying his heaping portion of succulent fresh fish. Another gentleman is watching from a distance, fascinated by the expressions of great delight coming from the eater. As he passes by, he mentions to the gentleman, “It seems like you’re really enjoying that fish dinner.” The gentleman replies enthusiastically, “I love fish!” In response, the other man says: “If you love fish so much, why did you allow this fish to be taken from the ocean and killed, just for your consumption?”
Inward focus vs. Outward focus
It can be very similar in our relationships. Does this man really love fish or does he just love the satisfaction he gets from eating fish? Philippians 2:3-4 tells us: “don’t be selfish, don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble thinking of others as better than your self. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others too, and what they are doing” We declare that we love the other person, but do we really just love what they provide for us? No doubt, we have legitimate needs to be fulfilled, but the behavior turns destructive when the focus remains on ourselves and never shifts outward.
How would our relationships be different if we:
Considered the needs of others before our own?
Loved others as we loved our selves?
Decided to be on the same team and work for common goals?
Many times we lose perspective and begin to compete with one another as if on opposing teams. Remember that you’re on the same team, working for a common goal. What are your common goals by the way? If you don’t have any, I would recommend finding a few. John 13:34 tells us “I am giving you a new commandment to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.” We’re called to love each other as we love ourselves and at times to put the needs of others before ourselves. Imagine a relationship where both considered the others needs first before defaulting to themselves.
Easy, no - Rewarding, Yes!
This means doing things that we don’t want to do. That’s hard. Sometimes, doing things that we don’t want to do can bring us things that we’ve never had before; A good relationship for one. By going against the drive to be self-serving and putting the needs of others before our own, we free ourselves to have healthy relationships. We tend to consider our needs before the needs of others, especially if we have a grievance against the other person. Galatians 5:13″ For you, brothers, were called to freedom. Only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity to gratify your flesh, but through love make it your habit to serve one another.”
How to apply
Resisting the temptation to be inward focused and shifting your sights outward will help grow stronger relationships in your life. One simple way to do this is to be genuinely grateful for what God has given you. God places a high value on relationships and the more we invest into them the healthier they’ll be. Considering the needs of others before your own will always be rewarded with a stronger relationship. Selfishness can be destructive. Selfishness creates immediate gratification but destroys hope for lasting satisfaction. Digging up root problems in your life is like removing a problem tree. If you simply cut the branches back as they cause problems for you, you would soon find out, those branches would grow right back and cause you the same problems you’ve always had. The branches aren’t the problem, the root is! Instead, the correct way to get rid of a nuisance tree is to first get rid of the out of control branches and trim it down to size. Then, you dig up the root of the tree and completely remove it. In this way the whole tree is gone and will never grow back again. Digging up the root of a tree is hard work. In the same way digging up the root of our problems is also very hard work, which is why most people avoid doing it. If we aren’t afraid to dig down to the root of the problem, we can experience freedom in our relationships.
